I always appreciate your writing Kyra, because I always see myself so deeply reflected within your own experiences. Many memories came to mind as I read through this piece, all of them still bringing that warm heat to my face, the heat of shame, of embarrassment — it doesn't matter if such events happened over 20 years ago, the feelings still linger when these memories come up.
Your perspective shift is something I still grapple with, trying to reconcile my knee-jerk reaction of I should've just toughened up, pushed through, maybe I would've had amazing experiences, and shifting that to perhaps I didn't know why I made the decisions I made, to sit things out, to hang back, to stick with where I felt safer — but maybe that was the young me just looking out for myself, knowing myself in a way that wasn't conscious, but still there.
Now it's all more conscious, I know myself and can advocate better for what I need or don't need, but it's interesting to catch a memory and still feel that prickly heat rise up decades later. Though as time goes on, it seems to sting a little less each time.
Whitney, this is so well put! "young me just looking out for myself, knowing myself in a way that wasn't conscious, but still there." Love that. I'm so so glad you liked this piece. Thank you so much for reading!
Thanks for sharing this story and insight! And great questions. Yes, it helped me reflect and remember times I've been embarrassed by my perceived lack of strength or integrity to stick-out work situations but now I see it differently. My first jobs were in kitchens as well and I often didn't last long for all of the reasons you described! Very overstimulating for a shy young introvert but fortunately I was transferred to housekeeping :). This also helps me acknowledge certain jobs I take on these days that don't go as well because of the overstimulating chaotic work environments - and that is something to look out for in the future! So glad that today you have released that shame and can share the story as a source of inspiration for us all <3
Ah, thank you friend. So interesting that you had similar experiences - and that you transferred to housekeeping!! The overstimulation factor is definitely something to watch out for in future jobs. Today, we know ourselves better!
I always appreciate your writing Kyra, because I always see myself so deeply reflected within your own experiences. Many memories came to mind as I read through this piece, all of them still bringing that warm heat to my face, the heat of shame, of embarrassment — it doesn't matter if such events happened over 20 years ago, the feelings still linger when these memories come up.
Your perspective shift is something I still grapple with, trying to reconcile my knee-jerk reaction of I should've just toughened up, pushed through, maybe I would've had amazing experiences, and shifting that to perhaps I didn't know why I made the decisions I made, to sit things out, to hang back, to stick with where I felt safer — but maybe that was the young me just looking out for myself, knowing myself in a way that wasn't conscious, but still there.
Now it's all more conscious, I know myself and can advocate better for what I need or don't need, but it's interesting to catch a memory and still feel that prickly heat rise up decades later. Though as time goes on, it seems to sting a little less each time.
Whitney, this is so well put! "young me just looking out for myself, knowing myself in a way that wasn't conscious, but still there." Love that. I'm so so glad you liked this piece. Thank you so much for reading!
This was so helpful to me too! Thank You Kyra! x
I'm so glad it was helpful for you! And you're so welcome!
Thanks for sharing this story and insight! And great questions. Yes, it helped me reflect and remember times I've been embarrassed by my perceived lack of strength or integrity to stick-out work situations but now I see it differently. My first jobs were in kitchens as well and I often didn't last long for all of the reasons you described! Very overstimulating for a shy young introvert but fortunately I was transferred to housekeeping :). This also helps me acknowledge certain jobs I take on these days that don't go as well because of the overstimulating chaotic work environments - and that is something to look out for in the future! So glad that today you have released that shame and can share the story as a source of inspiration for us all <3
Ah, thank you friend. So interesting that you had similar experiences - and that you transferred to housekeeping!! The overstimulation factor is definitely something to watch out for in future jobs. Today, we know ourselves better!